Some Wisdom on Passing

There seems to be a lot of controversy within our community about the
importance of making the big move by going out in public dressed" - of
trying to PASS!

In no way to I want to get into the middle of that argument. However,
over the years I have read of several sisters who have advanced, or
grown to the point where they wanted to display their feminine "being"
in public, yet did not think that they could do it, and be accepted for
the woman that they felt that they were.

Well, hang on girls, Kaye is going to give you some words of wisdom!

I have learned that two factors make any of us really passable:
Confidence and Attitude!

To me, Confidence is the physical side of it - gaining the ability to
LOOK like a woman. And this is made up of the folowing areas: General
apperance: My confidence develped in several ways. Being in the retail
business in a resort town, I literally see thousands of woman each year.
And girls, take my word for it - real woman come in a zillion different
sizes and shapes. No longer do I feel that my height (6") or weight (200
lbs) are a problem or a hinderance. I have seen too many good looking
females my size and many more that I know I look better then they do!
(It really gets funny when my wife will tell me that I do  better job
with my make-up than a lot of women we see.)

So my first words of wisdom are, if you can find clothes that fit and
look good on you, you have the physical body to pass!

And finding the clothes to fit is the second part of building
Confidence. I have never had a guilt pang or a bit of shame about who I
am.  Conseqently, I hve always found it a bit of a thrill to do my own
shopping. Oh, some times were harder and more nerve wracking than
others, but I learned that the clerks and the stores really don't care
who you are, and what you are buying. They are looking at the color of
your money, or the approval code on the credit card. Yes, I have had a
few "glances" but I figure t hat I will probbly never se them again. And
if I did, let them wonder! ( A while ago, I found a pair of white slacks
that I was looking for and went up to the counter and paid for them.
And shortly after, my wife also found a pair of slacks in the same
department and also paid for them. I wonder what the clerk thought? Who
knows, as she never batted an eye. The point is, and the second piece of
advice is that if you can become comfortable purchasing your own clothes
dressed as your male self, you will find it very easy to do so when
dressed as your feminine person.

What you wear is the next biggest hurdle! You may love your micro mini
skirt and the five inch spikes, but Honey, if you are the only one on
the street or in the Mall that looks like a hooker, you are going to
stand out like a neon sign! A suggestion would be to develpe your "woman
watching" skills. I mean, start noticing what women are wearing to the
place(s) that you want to go. For instance, most woman ( and my wife is
rather typical) have no desire to wear high heels when they don't have
to. Thus, in a mall in the evening or on the week end, you will see that
the vast majority of woman are dressed in a more casual manner. On a
weekday afternoons, until about 6:00 PM, you will see more dresses and
heels, as this is when the working women tend to shop. You will also see
a more dressed up group in the more up scale malls.

Also,start looking at the outfits and gain some fashion sense. I can
still visualize two women that gave me great ideas - a tall middle aged
woman at the ritzy mall in Denver - beige slacks, mid heel bbrown pumps,
and a sweater. she was very classy , and that look became one of my
favorite, passable outfits. Another was a woman with a calf length
skirt, black mid heel boots, and a bulky knit sweater. And my latest -
stirrup pants, with ankle high boots, and a very long sweater. Its

None of the above are inany whay sexy. but I sure look good, and I pass
as the person I beleive I am.

Third comes the facial apperance. This is what the world sees first, and
the one area that I see from pictures, that many need help!  And I would
suggst getting a copy of JoAnne Robert's Art of Illusion (write to CDS,
P.O. Box 612563, King of Prussia, Pa. 19406) This book was my saving
grace! And the best tip had to do with eye brows. First of all, if you
start tweezing them over a period of time, you can in fact shape them to
a more feminine style, without anyone noticing the change. And econdly,
by using some transparant medical tape, it is possible to lift your brow
line, adding a more feminine arch, and thus, change the whole appearance
of your f ace. That one thing did more to enhance my appearance than
anything else!

And lastly, "push the envelope" - be who you want to be as much as
possible. As my male self, I wear shorts regularly, even though I have
shaved my legs for years.  And no one has ever said a thing. And when
out of town, I also wear a feminine ring, and even woman's blouses (J.C
Pennys has great button down blouses, that don't look much different
from my male one's) and slacks, shorts and shoes ( a woman's loafer is
difficult to notice) And add to this very, very pale shade of pink nail
polishand a light sh sade of lip stick. Not once have I noticed any
funny looks.

And these are the ways that I develped my "comfort feeling" when in
public. And the final thing and the one most important is that my
moderately supportive wife thinks I look good enough to pass. That alone
is the crowning compliment.

But all of the above means nothing unless you have the ATITIUDE to go
along with it. And I define Attitude as knowing who you really are.

The first time I ventured out, I was living an erotic fantasy - we were
going to go shopping, grab a bite to eat, then go home and make
fantastic love because I would be so turned on.  But, as all of you
experienced babes who are rolling on the floor laughing know, it just
don't work that way!  I was scared to death! And that is an
understatement! When I went in the mall, I just didn't feel that I
looked right, or was walking right, or talked right. And in the
restaurant, I was so uptight that I almost thre w up. I could hardly
wait to get home and get those damn clothes off!

But snce then, I have learned more about myself, and have gained a
greater understanding of the depth of my femininity. Every time I read a
magazine or newsletter article, I felt that another piece of the puzzle
falls into place (which I why I believe that forums such as this are so
important) I was able to recognize myself in the past - a non-macho
person, not very good at sports, reasonably popular but never "one of
the guys", active in a good fraternity, Marine Corps officer (trying to
become "macho"? - I don't know). To make a long story short, I think a a
prenatal condition had something to do with my femininity, and I have
come to the realization that I am in fact a woman! No, I am not a
transexual ( I dont think). Just a transgendered person with the
plumbing of a male, who is most probably a woman acting as a man.

This is not to say that those who find the erotic and fantesy side of
cross dressing to be the extent of how far they want to go. But I would
suggest that most of us continue to grow within this whole concept of
cross dressing, and one should not be surprises if they find that their
desires to pass will increase as the months and years go by.

It is this understanding of who and what I am that gives me the ATTITUDE
to pass. When I look in thie mirror, I see a woman. And in my mind, when
I open the door of that mall, I am who I know and feel that I am - Kaye!
And I know with that attitude, I can do anything, and go anywhere, and
be acepted as a woman - and so can you!

Submitted by Kaye 

Return to How-To Page Return to Top
Return to Main Menu